will not take the blame.

For the past few weeks, we keep fighting over some silly matters i.e. trust issues, boys, exes, social networks etc. Gosh, this has been the main issue since forever! At some point, I just can't take it anymore. If I have a knife, or any harmful things in my hand, I just can't promise that I will never hurt him. Haha. Not funny. But, this time, I don't know if fate's in our side - again!

To him, I'm the one to blame. And at my point of view, seriously it's HIM. Ok. We seemed to blame each other. Fighting like a child.

Huh.

so-not-happy-saturday

Bengang. Upset. Today is not a good day eh? There's so much things going on in my life. Kalau benda2 best xpe la jugak, boleh la keep on smiling. Flying in the air punya mode. Tapi, kenyataan nya??? Hampa...oh no! Things didn't go my way- again. Someone, please save my soul. I need inspiration right now.

Facebook, done! Nothing interesting.
Twitter, checked! Not inspired enough.
Gossips? Beautifulnara, Ohbulan, Rotikaya...done. Aren't helping at all!
Friends?? Nope. I'm not in the mood to socialize & laugh at stupid jokes. Pftt.
Boyfriend?? ... He's one of the reasons why my Saturday is not a happy one. FAILED!

Oh ya. You know I pray days & nights, did everything I can just to undone things that happened between me and my bf. And yes. We're an item again. I'm grateful until we keeps argue over some stupid issues. That is when all of this 'bengang and upset' took place. Huh.

Youtube. Tiba2 teringat aritu ngan Got to Dance Uk 3 final stage and my jaws dropped watching Tayluer & Elliot's performance. Touched. Inspired. Goosebumps. That's what I felt watching those dancing fairies. Guess I need that kind of inspiration right now to save my Happy Saturday. Dahla. Aku ok. Kbai.

Lemons...lemonads....kind-of-stuff

I'm a not-so-positive-person since ages. And somehow, I'm kinda crave for quotes & sayings that make me have some piece of positive mind, especially when I realize sometimes life's beyond my fairytale fantasies. When life gives you lemons...make lemonade...yeah, something like that. Pftt.

Demm. These helps for now I think sebab aku sesak dah nih.

"We are always looking for something better that we sometimes fail to realize that we already have the best."
"Never let any of your fears or insecurities stop you from living your life."
"Being single doesn't mean you're not too good to be with the right one, it means you're just too good to be with the wrong one."
"Life is good, life is great. Always love & never hate. Break the rules, stand apart. Ignore your head and follow your heart."

...

If it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. I know!

Another breakup prove I'm not even close to be the luckiest girl alive. Fuck love. I'm kinda hate to be myself right now. Pathetic! Is there any good and wise man left out there for me? Sebab mostly spesis lelaki baik semuanya taken already. Hampeh. Beruntung lah sesiapa yang dah jumpa their own other half. Sumpah, aku takkan kacau hak orang.

I wrote about him in the blog, bragged like I've found the one. Nah. He's apparently not created for me. We had so much fun together and I really thought this will last at least for a year. We want different things in life and somehow we're just completely two different persons. I like myself when I was with him. Until at some point, I keep wanting more. Like seriously, is this the end of us?? Obviously I blame myself for this breakup. I am a hard-to-please bitch. Rare spesis aku ni. What to do kannnnn. Even so, he finally called it off. I'm losing my boyfriend - again! Baru aku faham maksud lagu Ombak Rindu tu. Pfttt.

Ironinya, aku yang frust gila *lap2 air mata*. Cliche dowh aku mopping around when people left me. It's just the thing that I know how to do best whenever life fucked me harder. :'(

I know I'm stupid enough waiting for him.
Hush! Keep your thoughts to yourself, smart people. I'm literally dying here!

Huh.

...    *speechless*   ...

God, I know I've been asking a lot - way a lot - from You. I'm sorry I just find You when I'm in a mess. I'm sorry for not being a good person. But then again, I keep seeking You asking for more. God, please protect him. Keep him away from fake and untrue people. Bless him with good health and true happiness. If he's not for me, please throw this feelings away from my heart. But if there's still a bit love for me inside his heart, please bring back those feelings just as strong as it used to be. I know I'm asking a lot now. I know if it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. I just have faith in You. Nuff said. Amin.

"I'm wanted by some. I'm taken by none. I'm looking at many, but I will wait for one."

My heart sang dis...

...You and I by Park Bom (2ne1). Beautiful song. Beautiful mv. Beautiful voice. Beautiful Park Bom. Perfect! Dedicate to him. But I heart this version of Moa better. Sorry Park Bom. :) But I still heart the mv. Huhuhu.

Thank you

Wah...this christmas was meaningful to me. Alamak, ayat xbleh blah. Sorry, it's not that I've celebrated it. But, more like things happened coincidentally. On 25th December. *senyum sampai telinga* Hehehe.

Kitak, I love you so much. Thanks for saying those meaningful words to me. I appreciate them even kita xcouple pun. Thanks jugak sebab kau selalu ada. Ala, macam lagu Hujan tu. Eh no. Now I listen to Carta Hati by Najwa Latif. The song for you. Perfect.

When I met you, it's like a fairytale to me. You're just so perfect eventhough you never said you are. But for me, this is perfection. This is what I always want. You. Damn, I know this will hurt me some day. Why I'm being so strong padahal cepat je sentap. Hahaha.

Wait.

Before I thank him, I should thank my dearest Allah la kan. Wei, damn me. Lupa pulak pada yang satu. Ya Allah, thank you for making him mine, even this is just for a while. Thanks for giving me a strong heart for loving someone who is impossible to love me back. I'm sorry if I only turn to you when I'm in a mess. It's not that I ever forget my creator. I know, no excuses. What a lousy hamba am I. T_T #Hopes and dreams.

Heart never lies

Okay, I'm suck! Damn me being lovey-dovey suddenly. Whooaaaaa~

*blushing jap*

Erm...this entry is about a man. Someone who means a lot to me. Er....no, he's not my boyfriend. Hahaha. (This is just my way to say I'm single without being pathetic...LOL)

He is a man with a kind heart, responsible, charming, always giving his best in everything, undeniably smart, funny, have a strong positive vibe, caring, romantic and the list going on and on and on...(eleh, kalau dah suka tu mmg camnila kannnn...). He's definitely passed my qualifications for a perfect man.

Tapi - however - walaubagaimanapun, he's a real player! Yeah, at first sight pun memang dah terserlah keplayeran kamu. What to do kann...I have a strong heart to mind enough it being broken again. I take risks loving him, eventhough I know we'll never be together pun. As long as I'm sincere, I think Allah will be with me. Huhuhu. Ikhlas tu penting bhaiiii... The "ikhlas" me said it's okay if he never loves me back. People come and go. And even your loved ones pun, one day they will leave you. So do this man.

Until then, "live in the moment" is my favorite quote. Just like how I love to be with him and will embrace the moments we're together. One day, when I'm strong enough to let him go, I hope I will never regret these memories. Never regret being ikhlas. Ikhlas menyayangi kamu.

*terlanjur cinta mode...huhuhu*

See, how heart never lies to us.